Hari Mentari

Selamat harimu, mentariku.

Semoga sinarmu lebih cerah mulai kini,

jauh melebihi sinar yang telah kau pancarkan satu jam yang lalu dan di hari-hari kemarin.

Semoga hangatmu dapat dirasakan orang-orang yang kedinginan di sekitarmu,

yang membutuhkanmu agar tidak terjangkit hipotermia.

Jika aku harus jujur,

Kau mungkin sangat menyilaukan bagiku.

Kau terkadang membuatku gerah karena seringkali hanya diam disitu, dan aku yang mengorbit disekitarmu.

Namun tidak sedikitpun aku berharap kehangatanmu berkurang,

sinarmu meredup,

atau agar kau balas mengitariku, karena aku tahu..

Hal itu yang membuatmu menjadi dirimu.

Pintaku hanya satu,

semoga sesekali kau menengok ke belakang,

tempatku biasanya mengamatimu.

Dan mungkin satu lagi,

semoga lain kali tidak ada tembok dan kaca diantara kita,

sehingga aku benar bisa merasakan hawa panasmu ketika tatapan itu mulai membakar diriku.

Growing Up — An Anti-Thesis with a Lame Argument.

….Is not easy. It’s never easy.

I’m holding on to what I have had before—that might be the difference between me and everyone else. I refuse to let go of it. I loosened my grip on whatever it is, however.

I might be standing on a different position, but basically being on the same line with everyone in the same age. I’m being pushed, I’m under pressure, being egged sometimes, bad-mouthed because I’m different, got my stomach flutters from an unknown reason, pretending that I don’t know what’s going on when I know exactly what happened, and I got the same big rock; the hope that my parents, this country put, on my back because I’m their successor.

Growing up is not an excuse to change, to let go of what you loved for years. The responsibility that you get for being a grown-up, however, is.

I might be acting like a twelve years old, but at least I’m capable of thinking like a 20 years old or so.

Merely. Barely.

They said, “If good things happen after you let go of something, then that something is never worth your time.”

:)

You’re happy now, or I guess you do.

I’m happy now, or I guess I am.

We’re eating one another this whole time, hm?

Yep. That sounds like us.

Hai, Musim Semi

Langit masih kelabu, kukira musim dingin sudah berlalu.

Membingungkan, memang.

Namun setidaknya aku tahu, Matahari kembali mengintip dari selimut awannya yang tebal.

Tersipu-sipu malu, membuat sinarnya terkadang lebih terang dari biasanya.

Mungkin hanya perasaanku saja, karena sebuah tumbuhan tumbuh mengikuti sinar mentari, sehingga wajar saja jika suasana menjadi hangat-hangat kuku.

Bagaimanapun, selamat datang musim semi ku.

Kuharap kehangatan yang ada di musim ini tidak akan menusukku :)

Dear My Future Self..

Dear my future self,

the one that is way more mature than I am now.

I write this because some random thing that crossed my mind,

I’m afraid I may forget about that ‘thing’ one day,

so I decided to write this one down..

Dear my future self,

the one that is so much wiser than I am now.

I hope you still have Flubber with you.

She’s the kind of friend that will be there no matter what,

she may never answer you, but don’t ever forget that you already spent the last 11 years with her.

She’s the one that soothes you, because you hardly tell anything to anyone.

Dear my future self,

the one that is less tomboy than I am now.

I hope you finally find the one that worth your time.

The one that worth your wait all this time.

I hope that guy never told you to stay away from your favourite doll, and your music.

I, somewhat, hope that guy worth more than a diamond.

I hope he’s so worth it that you’re leaving your current world, the one that about unicorns, laugh, love, joy, chocolate fountain, cats, Doraemon, and giggles, for something that’s way more serious and with less unicorn, and chocolate fountain.

Dear my future self,

the one that is good at nurturing, better than I am now.

I want you to buy tons of Doraemon, Hello Kitty, Hey Arnold, and Toy Story DVDs, and keep it so one day you’ll watch it with your children.

Don’t let your childrens enslaved by technology.

Show them how your happy, giggly childhood makes you you.

Show them that love is no rocket science, it’s not complicated as long as you and your families are all happy.

Dear my future self,

the one that I’m pretty sure, will be a successful person.

Please tell me that you aren’t regretting things because you messed up.

I wish you tons of happiness.

So happy that you cry by the time you read this.

Love always,

Arum Diah.

Closing

First of all, I’m writing this one hell of a post, with tears streaming down on my cheeks,

I’m on the edge of my ‘19 years old’ status, I’m going to be 20 in a matter of minutes. And that means, I’m no longer a teenager in a matter of minutes. So many things happened in these past 9 years, or 5 years to cut it a little. I went through a lot, a public enemy, a loved one, a fangirl, a brilliant mind girl, a concert junkie, a dimwit, a loner, an introvert, a girl that made it to her dream college, a girl that being seen with only one eye open, a loved part of group, misunderstood, and the girl that made it through her days with (almost) nothing but a tap on the shoulder by her own hand.

I miss seeing people racing to be the one who congratulate me first on my birthday, even the household is already hitting the hay now, while I’m still here, trying to stay just to received birthday greetings. I miss having some people that will be around me, listening to whatever I have in my mind. Now I don’t feel like I have anyone—and very misunderstood.

I only wish for a better year, and please, God, stop those people from saying things like “You have to look cheerful” and being the most unsolutive pack of guys in the whole universe.

If I really meant to be old, let me be a lotta happier than now.

Happy birthday, myself. You know I love you more than anything in the whole universe :”*

Is this a waste of all my precious time?
And could this chance that I take lead me to losing my mind
As I step to the edge, I saw the water below
Then I said to myself, “Sometimes you’ve gotta let go”

All I know is
All I know is
All I know is I’m still waiting for my sun to shine

Oh I see our clouds when I look around
Rain falls from my mouth as it hits the ground
Lead me to the light
‘Cause I’m still waiting
I’m waiting for my sun to shine

What does it take to be a liar
And all the chances we take
What we’re measured by
As I sat on my couch
I wondered why
It’s such a beautiful day
I’m still sitting inside-side-side
All I know is
All I know is
All I know is I’m still waiting for my sun to shine.

I was dancing with the devil
I was singing dirty songs
Pulling whiskey from the bottle
‘Till the early break of dawn

Oh my gorgeous Arizona
Here’s to gettin’ caught with you
I was runnin’ with the wolves
I was howlin’ at the moon

I felt down and torn apart
With no cash left in my pockets
Just a shitty fortune card
It read “Strength will find you sooner
Then you ever thought it would”

Then the pain it turned to anger
Moved to joy, so now I’m good
And I’m one pack of smokes from broke
I can tell I will make it alone

So I’ll keep on fighting
Yeah, I’ll keep on fighting
In the end, when you sink, we float

When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
Yes I’m one pack of smokes from broke

I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
One pack of smokes from broke
One pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke

I’m just one pack of smokes from broke

Big White Blob

She’s that girl, she’s running in the cold hazy morning.

The girl who promised herself that she would go for a run at 7, when it’s 8 now.

The one that keep on complaining about how big she looked now.

The girl that proclaimed she give zero fuck about how fat she is.

The girl that looks like she got high blood pressure when she’s actually being pestered with her low pressure blood from her mother.

The one that could get all happy, all sappy, and all grumpy because of one little thing.

The girl said “I won’t walk!" before she hit the field track.

She, however, is walking now. She barely got a half of the field she hit.

A pool of tears are building up in her eyes, she could feel it through her cheeks,

The wind is not there to cool the path of the tears, anyway

But when the tears slid down, it came out as a thousand droplets.

She cursed at the rain that falls down, she had enough of regrets already, wishing for things like “May the rain washes away my sanity.." is not making any sense.

But a flash of smile is what she showed that morning.

Is it because she loves water so much?

She paced her steps in a constant speed, she’s running again.

No matter how this all burdened me,”

She controls her breath, she’s halfway already,

I’m not gonna let this thing gets under my skin

over,

and over,

and over again,

She fastened her pace, with such a smug grin, a victorious smirk, with Ready To Go played on her iPod.

I’m gonna show you how tireless I actually am.

As she goes, full speed, feeling what’s left from the wind.

She did the right thing eversince she decided to wake the hell up and go for a run.

Cukup

Berdenyut-denyut.

Berhenti..

Kemudian berdenyut-denyut lagi.

Hai, stop!

Kau pikir hanya kau yang sedang berdenyut-denyut konstan sekarang?

Apakah aku terlihat seperti orang yang tidak cukup mendapat denyut-denyut yang membuatku mengerang? Hah?!